The vital bond

The kind of attachment that a child forms with their main carer, which for the sake of argument we shall say is her mother, is described by professionals as either secure or insecure.

A child develops an attachment with their mother in the first year of life and by the age of two has shifted from being a baby unable to distinguish themselves as separate from their mothers to a toddler with a sense of themselves as an individual in their own right.

These first two years of a child's life are seen as crucial because they seem to form a template which influences how they form all subsequent relationships.

The way a baby develops a secure attachment to their mother is reliant on how she responds to his needs - which go beyond just food, warmth and clean nappies.

They also need physical holding, touch, closeness, eye contact and consistency and as they get older they need the chance to explore the world and experience parental boundaries.

There is a circular pattern of behaviour that occurs thousands of times between mother and child in their first year together.

It starts with the baby feeling a need. This is triggered by physical discomfort - through hunger, illness or pain - or by a feeling of fear or by a feeling of loss through being separated from their mother.

The baby then expresses this need - usually quite loudly - and the mother then responds sensitively to that need which brings relief to the baby - and the mother.

But the baby's expression of need may not be just of the noisy variety. Sucking and gazing at their mother is part of this expression which is why eye contact when feeding a baby is so important.

Gradually this expression may include smiling, watching, following, clinging, pining or protesting when separated.

What is really influential on the child is how this expression is answered.

Initially a baby does not have a sense of being separate from their mother - if you paint a baby's nose red and them put them in front of a mirror and will not realise that the reflection is themself and they will touch the mirror.

From around about 18 months a child is beginning to sense themselves and if you do the mirror trick they are more likely to touch their own red nose rather than the mirror.

So in the first year any relationship with a mother becomes internalised in a child as their own self. It is as though a baby's brain starts as a blank canvas and the mother makes the first marks which form the basis of a picture that the child will go on to complete.

If a baby is treated sensitively, they will develop the basis for a happy and secure picture - a sense of trust in themselves and others.

But what happens if the mother starts painting a rather disturbing picture or makes just a few badly positioned marks by either mistreating the baby or failing to meet more than just the infant's physical requirements?

Click here to find out

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