An update on a completed diary - two and a half years on

March 2004

Well, so much time has passed by now, and so much has changed in our lives since I began this diary almost three years ago now.

We are still as happy as we were when Ruth came home to live with us. She is such a busy little person, never stops from morning till night, I don't know where she gets the energy from! She has come along in leaps and bounds. She is a delight to be around, she makes everyone laugh with the things she comes out with.

We have had our share of problems though, and still are having. Ruth is full of energy as I have just said, and is easily excitable. She has to have constant boundaries shown her, and she is hard work. It has not been easy (though I doubt even a natural parent would say it is easy.)

I have found I have been easily upset sometimes, and wondering if I am a "good enough Mum"........... doubts I had at the beginning are still there with regards my own capabilities as a parent. I used to also feel we were "on show"...... as we had adopted, I thought everyone expected us to be the perfect parents, when in reality nothing is expected from us at all. I have learnt that no one expects any more of us that they would of a natural parent.

We have two good friends, who Ruth is happy to go and visit for the afternoon when we need a little rest from her. As Ruth is such hard work, we have now decided that we won't adopt any more children. We need to be able to concentrate all our attention on Ruth, I don't think she would be able to cope with having to "share" us with another child on a permanent basis. She is fine with friends calling to see her and playing, but not for too long a period. Her behaviour changes if another child is here too long. We don't want to "upset the apple cart" and have made the decision to just have Ruth. She is much more than we ever dreamed of having, she is our little special miracle, and we are happy with what we have.

She is in nursery now and is due to start full time school this year. She is advanced in her years according to our Health Visitor, and is quick to pick up things and learn things.

We have not seen a Social Worker since we had the adoption order granted way back in 2001. It seems unbelievable now that we have not, as so much time was spent with social workers prior to her placement! If we have any problems, I know they are there at the end of the phone, should we need them, but touch wood, to date, we have not had a need to ring them.

At the end of the day we are just a normal family, Mum, Dad and Ruth. Nothing more, nothing less. But that is what we always wanted, to be "normal"

I still run the Internet adoption support group, Movin on towards adoption, in Yahoo groups, and we are growing in size. We offer support and understanding about adoption and its ups and downs to anyone. The group has been going now for almost four years.

I lost my dad one week before Christmas (2003) and that was hard. But, knowing Dad had seen Ruth and had got to know her, that Ruth had known her Granddad and has memories of him is very important to me. My parents waited so long for a grandchild, (almost 18 years in fact) and when Ruth came along, she was so very special to them, I am so glad Dad had a chance to meet his grandchild.

There is not a lot more to say to be honest. Life goes on as normal here, Ruth still wakes up way before even the birds rise each morning.... usually about 6am, but people tell me when she is a teenager she will never get out of bed, but that seems years way to me now!

We are as happy as we were before, and content with our lives. We have some great friends who love Ruth to bits, and are always there if we ever need them. Support is still important and knowing it is there if we need it is reassuring.

I wish you all well on your journey through adoption if that is your intention, if not then I hope this diary may have given you a little insight into the ups and downs of adoption assessment.

Till the next update............... take care of yourself

Ann x