Week 20 diary

I tell you - this mummy lark isn't quite as easy as some people would have you believe!! I must admit that after working for some quite demanding bosses for some 20 years as a P.A., I thought this would be a doddle - WRONG! I have to say that Jamie is the most demanding boss of them all!

It is quite a shock to the system to suddenly have this little person who is so totally reliant on you. That said, at the beginning of the placement, Jamie would constantly demand attention - I could hear those word "Will you play with me" from the moment he got up until the moment he went to sleep.

Now, things have really improved no end. I think that now he is so used to being without me at nursery, he now plays really imaginatively at home on his own for little periods of time.

This gives me a little break at least. I do feel a little odd about sometimes wanting some "quality time" even if its just to get some ironing done or perhaps catch up with the paper - it seems a bit selfish sometimes.

I did recently read an article about an adoptive mum who said how important she felt it was to have your own time, and to look after yourself too and I suppose its right. You just sometimes go on this real guilt trip about it, but lets face it, if you don't look after yourself, then you don't stand a chance looking after a little one too!

We've started to give him little rewards for doing things well - for instance, when he first came to stay with us, we had a stair gate at the top of the stairs and the bottom (call it paranoia, but better safe than sorry!).

Recently, we started to tell him that if he could show us that he could walk up the stairs safely, we would take the bottom stair gate off. I would say it took him around a couple of weeks until we decided that we could do it. I have to say that ever since we took it down, he has never climbed the stairs without asking us first that he wants to go upstairs to play.

He's quite proud of being given the responsibility and the ability to move around the house as he wants at least during the day.

The recent visit with the foster carers I think was good in retrospect. We recently went to the same shopping centre, and he did mention it, but wasn't distressed in any way. He has also started to refer to the fact that at xxxxx and xxxx's house they had such and such, so he really has grasped the concept that he is moving on.

We're really pleased about that. Just before he was placed with us, they took him on a little break abroad and he now says quite often that he would like to visit that same place with mummy and daddy one day.

We also decided to make a trip down to London to visit my brother and his girlfriend, so got some really bargain tickets on the train to go for the day.

We had a fantastic time! Jamie was absolutely fascinated with going on the train and was so excited about the underground too. When we came up out of the underground and he saw Big Ben for the first time, his little face was a picture. We kept saying to him that Big Ben went "bong, bong" but he kept telling us that it went "ting, ting" ..... until it struck 11 o'clock that is!!

Of course, when he saw the London Eye that was it - he was practically jumping up and down shouting "London Eye, London Eye!!"

We'd already got tickets for later in the day, so he was doubly excited knowing that he was going for a trip! We took a boat trip up the river - in fact, the same one that we had taken last year with my parents! How different was it this time around!!

Jamie loved it although was a bit frightened of the Tower of London for some reason! Time flew that day and soon it was time for our "flight" on the Eye. We'd got two tickets (originally for my brother and his girlfriend - my brother decided not to go, so I went on with his girlfriend) and one for Jamie (his was free anyway) and I was fully expecting him to chicken out - especially when we got right up close to getting on and I caught him looking upwards with this look of terror on his face!

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