Over 12-months ago this site ran the diary of Lynne and Brian.
Lynne has written this update for the site...

Hello again, it's been a long time. The last time you will have read my diary we were still waiting for a date to go to court to have the adoption order made. Well, we finally got there in October last year. We had some problems getting there, but we did it.

Our son and daughter have now been with us for just over two years, and sometimes it feels like a lifetime, yet at other times it's like they've only been here five minutes. I still have guilty feelings, and I still have doubts.

But I wouldn't be normal if I didn't feel like that at times. I only think about the birth mother now and again, so I'm getting better in that department. The times I have doubts are when our son is totally doing my head in and I can't stand it any longer. I feel like running away at times, but you tell me a parent who doesn't feel like that now and again.

I would never actually do it, but I do feel like doing it. But I can laugh about it at the end of the day and tell myself to get on with my life instead of feeling sorry for myself.

The birth parents actively opposed the adoption, which is what we expected. There were a lot of court appointments, but they didn't turn up at all of them. The day before the adoption order was to be made; they had a court appearance to dispense of the birth mother's signature.

The birth mother didn't appear, so the judge had no qualms about signing the papers. He had signed them on her behalf. It was a happy, but sad day for us. Our solicitor telephoned us to let us know that the day after was to go ahead as planned.

We were ecstatic about it, because we had been waiting so long. Finally our family was to be completed. It was all going to be made legal. Yet I still had a little niggle inside me, which said, 'are you sure? Is this the right thing to do?' But it was the right thing, and I was 100% sure.

Looking back at the last two years I saw my whole life change before my eyes. I was only one of a couple then, now I was a mother of two children. I had responsibilities, I had a family.

Things at home with the children haven't really changed much since my last diary entry. Our son is still a bad bed wetter. Anywhere up to six times a night. Our daughter is a real little madam, stamping her feet, and demanding. I just ignore her, and she gets the message. They are typical children. They know how to play now, they know how to laugh and enjoy their childhood.

Our son has some issues at the minute, which we need to get sorted out for him. He's angry at the minute. He's angry with the birth mother for letting him go, he's angry with social services for taking him away from the birth home, he's angry with me for playing a part in that, even though I didn't.

He's angry with himself because he thinks he wasn't good enough for his birth mother, and he's angry with his sister as he cannot understand why she is so happy and seems to have forgotten about the past. She is such a laid back little girl and lets her life wash over her head. Our son isn't like that. He's finding it extremely hard to let go of the past.

But I can understand why, after what he had been through. How can any child forget the neglect, the torment? This will be with him for the rest of his life now, and he will never forget what's happened to him in the birth home.

I bought a book, which he fills in each day. He fills in smiley faces if he's feeling happy and sad faces if he's feeling sad. He then writes underneath why he feels that way. I had a meeting with his teacher, which I do every month to keep up on his progress. She showed me his happy/sad book what he does at school.

The day they were writing about their mother's day cards he had written in his book, 'I hate my dad'. His teacher had asked him what he meant. He said, 'no, not my new dad, my old dad'.

He has written, in the past, that he feels like killing himself, and that his heart races so fast it feels like it's coming out of his chest. He's going to explode. What can I do to help this little boy who is locked in an adults mind with adult thoughts. 9-year-old children should not be thinking things like this.

I have contacted social services and they are going to have his social worker come out for a few weeks, once a week, to talk to him and answer any questions for him. She knows all about the birth parents, their past and what they are like. He asks me things that I cannot answer for him.

It's hard for both of us, but we're getting there. eventually. I hope that the social worker can help him to come to terms with his past and the things that have happened were not his fault. He needs to stop being angry with himself as he hurts himself. He sleeps with me when he's feeling sad or angry; as I know he will self harm.

Our adoption day was an important day for all of us. We bought new outfits, and made a point of making it a big day. We had to be at the courthouse at 9.30 that morning. We were there at 9am and our social workers and solicitor were there. As we were waiting I felt sick. What if this didn't work out? What if the judge wanted to give the birth parents time to change their situation?

We needn't have worried though, as the judge didn't hesitate in signing the papers. As she signed the papers I held my breath. This was it. One signature and they were my children for life.

I could have cried. My husband was holding my hand tight, but the children just looked on it as 'another day' for them. The judge the presented the children with a framed certificate each with their new names on and they were really pleased with them. We had some photos taken with the judges, and went outside.

That was it. Ten minutes and we were done. It was over. In ten minutes the children were legally signed over to us for keeps for life. We said our thankyous and goodbyes to the judges and social workers, then went to a pub for our lunch.

The children chose the pub, it had an outdoor play area. They had it to themselves as all other children were at school. They played on the swings and slides as my husband and I sat outside with a much needed drink. We were complete now, a family.

We have ongoing letterbox contact with the birth mother once a year, but that's it. We have to keep on top of them because if we don't the children will think its their lucky day. We have to give and take every day. They do a lot of the taking but its silly things what they've never had before.

They are lucky children; but then again, my husband and I are lucky people.

To read Lynne and Brian's original diary click here.