This article was sent in response to a bulletin about adoption breakdown that appeared on Adoption-net on 16th October.

Hallo, please don't feel guilty that's the first thing I am saying to you, we have been there and know the feelings, its like a bereavement without a funeral, our daughter was 14 when we had to have her taken into care.

We adopted her when she was 5yrs old, a lovely girl to look at, a sweet smile and an engaging character, but an awful liar and as we were to find out later on a habitual thief.

She ran away three times when she was 14, stole from us, was sleeping with a really unsavoury bloke. I was tearing my hair out, social services said you couldn't lock her in and give her some rein

She would go off to school and we wouldn't see her for two or thee days, just had phone calls from different people saying what she was up to and it was all hairy stuff.

My husband endlessly drove around looking for her, she said she hated him, we had the police perpetually at our door, we got to the point that we were on first names with them!

In the end after she stole from two shops was abusive and violent to a teacher, we were having to lock all valuables away. I couldn't leave my handbag around, in the end we told social services enough was enough. They were reluctant but I got really angry with them and they placed her with a fosterer.

She went from foster home to foster home - they all thought her wonderful for a few months, until things went wrong with each of them. The carers then would ring us up saying "how did you put up with her for so long"?

Then as time went on we realised it wasn't us that were at fault, it was her problems causing mayhem everywhere. In the end no fosterer would take her, she was expelled from school and ended up in a hostel for children with problems.

She got slung out of there, in trouble with the police, it went on and on, eventually she met a really nice chap got herself pregnant (now she is 19) and knew we wouldn't be pleased, which we weren't.

BUT we tried to build bridges and slowly we are getting it together. She knows she has messed up and talks about how she was and she feels bad about it now, she hugs us and says we will always be her Mum and dad and she loves us, so for now we are patient and just hoping it will all work out.

It may not, but at least now we have some hope, if your problems have been similar feel safe in the knowledge that you aren't alone and if you want to chat do email me, and I shall try and help you through this awful time.

Be brave, thinking of you regards.
Elspeth.