This is the diary of Melanie, 40, and Tim who is 39. They have been married for six years and despite three IVF attempts have been unable to have children naturally.

Tim and Melanie were approved for adoption for one child up to the age of three in June 2002.

The diary begins after the couple were approved.

Week four diary

Last time, we were just awaiting the details from our social worker of another child we had been linked with. We must admit we were a little excited at the prospect, as Susan had told us that this little boy was more of the age we were looking for, although at that time she didn't know any more than a name and an age.

We waited for the details to come through our door... and waited ... and waited. Nothing came, and we just presumed that it was the fact that there was some hold-up. Then one night we came home to find a card through our letterbox saying that there was an envelope being held for us down at the Post Office which had postage to pay on it. Our Social Services office had sent the details registered post to us, but had forgotten to pay the postage! The Post Office had held on to the package for almost a week before notifying us. It was just as well it wasn't particularly urgent!

Anyway, I got up at the crack of dawn to go and get the envelope and brought it back so we could have a quick scan of it before we went to work. The first words on the compliment slip gave it away. "Again, not straightforward...." Susan had written.

Somehow this didn't bode well! We had a quick read, but just couldn't take it all in, so decided we'd have a good look when we got home. I did take it to work and had a look - found out that two pages of the form were missing so there was a lot of information not there.

That night we sat down and had a good read. Even with those missing two pages, it was really obvious to us that this little boy wasn't for us. His medical history and prognosis didn't look good, and certainly was outside the confines of what we said we'd look at from a medical viewpoint. We were so disappointed - really bitterly disappointed and extremely upset at having to say no.

I must admit that I cried no end of times after we made that decision. Tim and I reckoned that the last couple of months had been worse than going through the IVF treatment and the decisions and disappointments we faced then. To this, IVF seemed a breeze!

We had to tell Susan that again we were saying no, and explained to her how difficult it had been. It was like what we've said before - having waited for so long to have children in our lives, to turn a child down was devastating. She understood and was very reassuring - again, she agreed with our decision and said that she had also thought this little boy wasn't right for us.

She added that it would probably now be after Christmas before anything happened, so we're ready for a long wait. To be honest she'd originally told us it would be probably a year after being approved before we heard anything, so to be linked with two children within five months was totally unexpected.

It's been a hard time for us, but fortunately , with the support of our friends and family, we have been able to move on and not dwell too much on the decisions we have had to make.

With a long wait in mind, we've booked a weekend away, and have ordered that sofa that we were going to buy (along with a few more treats!). Are we tempting fate?!