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Have you been contacted by an adoptee? Nervous? Scared? Let me share some thoughts with you.

I would like to convey a message to those of you who have been touched by adoption in a particular way. Those of you who have been contacted by an adoptee, may you be birth mother, father, half-sib, full sib, aunt, cousin.let me share some thoughts with you and ask for your understanding.

You have been contacted. You may be suspicious. I understand that you may be afraid. Perhaps you feel betrayed. Maybe the knowledge of a child given up for adoption is unknown to you, and all of a sudden, your telephone is ringing, someone is sending you an e-mail, or knocking at your door. Who is it? Let me tell you who it is.it is someone looking for hope.

I ask that you consider letting this person into your life. Even though your world may be turned upside down, even though you didn't "ask" for this, please think about it. Give it a chance, you may be opening your heart to a wonderful, loving person.

I have heard from many people about reuniting with their birth families. Many of their stories are heartwarming and loving. Sadly, many of the stories are heartbreaking and crushing.adoptees are sometimes rejected by their own blood relations.

Some birth mothers want nothing to do with the child they gave up for adoption. Being a mother myself, I find that very difficult to understand, but I am not them, I cannot put myself in their shoes.

Many birth mothers were so terribly wounded having to adopt out their children that they simply cannot deal with a reunion. They cannot revisit the old hurt. Perhaps they have a secret kept so buried, they feel it may do irreparable harm to themselves or others to unearth it. There are lots of reasons why a birth parent may be afraid, I realise there may be extenuating circumstances.

There are also birth siblings that are often contacted by an adoptee. They may be full siblings, or half-siblings, but often they are surprised to learn that there is a brother or sister out there looking for them. It may be a shock I know, but denial doesn't make something untrue. It only shuts someone out, hurts someone to the very core.

I know that not everyone has good intentions, there may be some people who are dishonest, or looking to take advantage. But I think that the majority of us adoptees have only the best intentions. We may want nothing more than to just be allowed into your life. I know that may be hard for some of you, but think about it. Did the adopted out child ask to be given up? Is the adopted out child responsible for their circumstances? Why of course not. An adoptee is the innocent here, a victim if you will. I don't mean a victim in the sense that they were harmed or abused, but a victim of circumstance.

An adoptee is powerless in the decision-making, a baby bystander. There is a fear of abandonment that many adoptees feel while growing up. Some feel a huge void their whole lives, some have control issues, some have relationship fears and find it difficult to connect with people. Some come from happy homes, some come from troubled ones. We are all different and have different experiences growing up. But adoptees are alike in that they are often searching for something. It may be truth, it may be medical history, it may be siblings, it may be because they long to "look" like someone, they may want to know their religious background. Many of us simply want to have a connection with a blood relation, simply to know where we come from. This is more often than not our motivation. Not greed, not money, not restitution, not harm. We don't want to hurt anyone. We only wish to be acknowledged and accepted for who we are. We are not a shameful secret, we are human beings.

Unless you are adopted, you can never understand the yearning to know if you look like someone else, act like someone else, think like someone else. To us, it seems a miracle when we physically resemble someone, not having grown up with the experience that birth children have. To us, making a connection with a birth relative is extremely comforting (especially if they accept us) as suddenly there is a common denominator in our lives that we never had before.

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