This is the diary of Lynne and her husband Brian. Lynne is 30 yrs old and Brian is 32. They have been married for four years ,but have been longing for a family for the last 5 years.

Pre-cancerous cells 8 years ago,left them unable to conceive naturally and a bad experience with IVF left Brian and Lynne childless.

In September last year we were approved for 2 children up to the age of seven. It was a hard assessment period, but all worth while.

This is their diary following approval...

Week Four

The next 4 weeks passed really quickly. I remember all of it. Every detail. Every minute detail. David and Ashleigh came to live with us on Monday, which was to be the start of their new lives. It was so scary. They were to be here forever.

Wow. I couldn't sleep for listening for them during the night, I lost weight, which was a good thing, as I never had time to eat, my washing line was full of washing every day, the dogs had someone to play with and Brian and I had our children.

I had already been to their new school; it was the same school I went to as a child. All my nieces and nephews went to that school, and some still do. I had been to enroll them, and the head teacher was really pleased to have 2 more new starters.
Ashleigh was in class 1 and David was in class 2. They were to start their new school on the following Monday. The Wednesday before, I took them down for a short visit. It was only for ½ hour, to meet their new teachers and classmates.

We went into Ashleigh's class first, and at the same time, all the children shouted, "Good morning Ashleigh, welcome to class one", she was smiling, really happy. She sat down next to a girl called Bethany. I left her there for a story. We went to David's class, and the children gave him a warm welcome, "Good morning David, welcome to class two". He was beaming from ear to ear. He had been invited into a circle of friends; something, which he had never had before.friends. He sat down next to our neighbours little girl, Sarah, and he made friends with her.

The head-teacher asked me to go to her office; I had to sign some forms for my children. She told me to come back for them at lunchtime.2 hours longer than the arranged visit. I felt nervous leaving them at their new school, they didn't know anyone, and they were alone with strangers. I stood on the bridge at playtime and watched them playing. Something else they didn't know how to do. I cried on that bridge. My children were happy at last. They had 'normal' lives and were learning new things every day.

I went back for them at lunchtime, and they didn't want to come home. After some persuasion, they gave in, and came home with pictures they had drawn. The first of many. The head-teacher said they could start the next day instead of waiting until next week. I agreed. Now, I had to go and buy school uniforms. We went into town, and bought shoes, little grey pleated skirts, grey trousers, little white shirts and blouses, knickers and socks. They were going to be really smart.

We went home and they played in the drive. They didn't know what to do, as they had never ever played outside before. I couldn't believe it. I gave them a football and David couldn't kick it. I gave Ashleigh a pram and some dollies; she didn't know what to do with them. I had to teach them how to play. I had a great time also; it brought back memories for me.playing with dollies, toy cars, footballs and a play kitchen with pots and pans. Within a couple of days, they knew what to do.

The next day was their first real day at school. They took packed lunch, and I think I put a bit too much in their boxes. Ashleigh has problems eating, and she 'doesn't do' lunch. David ate all of his, and Ashleigh's also. I was on edge all day and it felt really strange walking to school with other mothers and children. My sister-in-law Anne walked with me. She has a son (David and Ashleigh's cousin) who goes to the same school. He is 2 years older than David is, and they became best friends. David relied on him to look after him, he made sure he knew his way around the school and he called on him to play out after school.

The first week at their new school saw them settle in really well. Ashleigh is an outgoing child, she lets thing wash over her head, and she doesn't care about what people think of her. Her main priority was making friends and playing out after school. David is different. He allows other children's comments affect him, and he lashes out. He never bullies boys; it's always girls. The first 2 weeks at school we saw him turning into a bully. He wasn't happy until he made a girl cry, never a boy.

His attitude toward Ashleigh was appalling. He would run and hit her, kick her or push her to the ground for no apparent reason. We realised in that first 2 weeks that we were going to have problems with him.

Ashleigh had some behavior problems too. She had major tantrums. The first one was when we were shopping in Asda. She wanted chocolate while she was eating crisps. I said no, you'll be sick, and you've had enough rubbish today already. She then threw herself on the floor, screamed, kicked anyone who was near her, and held her breath until she passed out. I was horrified. I couldn't believe a little girl was capable of doing this. I didn't know what to do. I left her on the floor until she came round, and when she did, I walked away from her. She was then horrified that I hadn't given in to her. She ran after me telling me she loved me and saying she was sorry. She didn't really want the chocolate; she wanted to keep it in case she got hungry.

David laughed at her, which started a fight off, and both of them were going at each other. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. These 2 lovely kids were doing this and I couldn't move. Everyone was looking at me, pointing. I grabbed them by their coats and dragged them outside. I sat them down apart and told them this was not acceptable. They were then made to sit on the bench with their nana while I finished my shopping. When I came back out, they were best friends. I was gobsmacked. I would be ready for this if it happened again. Ashleigh had these tantrums nearly every day over trivial things. This was going to be hard work.

David had a really good start at his new school, but as time went on, I was getting more and more phone calls from his school about his behavior. Eventually, I had to bring him home for his lunch every day as the school didn't want him on the premises at lunchtime. This was a form of rejection for David, and he doesn't take it very well.

His teacher was not a very nice woman. She had a horrible attitude toward David because he was an 'adopted child'. She had never had to handle one of these before, and it was too hard for her. She had her favorites in her class, and David wasn't allowed to join in any games. She didn't like him, and she made it clear she didn't like him. I didn't like her, but I always made an effort to communicate with her. I had a little boy come home every night from school and ask me why he feels useless and worthless. His teacher told him these things. She would tell him he would never make anything of himself because of the uncertain start in his life. She didn't approve of him being in her class. I was left to pick up the pieces every night, and it was really hard.

After 2 weeks of being placed with us, we had our first review. 4 social workers came out to the house, and they asked lots of questions. I told them about his teacher and what effects it was having on him. They were not happy about this and suggested a move to another school. I wanted to keep him where he was. They accepted this decision. The children's social worker and I went to the school the next day and had a meeting with the head-teacher and David's teacher.

We took his profile form with us, and the social worker told them what kind of life he had before being placed with us. His teacher seemed to understand this, and promised to make an effort. It worked, and the following weeks after that meeting, we saw a huge improvement in David. He was smiling when he came out of school; he started getting awards for various things and gold stars on his work. This was another turning point in his life.

Ashleigh needed some therapy for her speech but there was a waiting list of about 6 months. She had a serious stammer and got lots of her words mixed up. I applied for speech therapy in the first week, and after 4 weeks, her stammer disappeared and she used her words correctly. This happened without speech therapy. It was because she had people to talk to, to have a conversation with. She was settling in really well. Her eating habits were terrible. She refused to eat meals, preferring crisps and chips. I refused to give in to her, and she was not allowed any crisps until she had eaten her dinner.

This seemed to work, until she refused to eat for 3 days. She screamed for a packet of crisps, some sweeties or some chocolate. This was always her diet at her birth home. Not here. We slowly found out what she did like. Smiley faces, waffles, mashed potato, peas, dumplings and fish fingers. So we gave her peas and fish fingers, after she ate that, she would get chips. This got her used to eating other food first before eating chips and refusing to eat the rest. It was working but very slowly.

David, over the first 4 weeks, showed us a very frightened aggressive little boy. He was greedy, eating until he was sick. This was because he was hardly fed at the birth home. He still thinks he has to eat until he's sick because he doesn't know if he's going to be fed again that day. His aggressive behavior towards his sister slowed down. They played together more without him being aggressive towards her. We found a stash of food in his bedroom becoming mouldy. He said it was for him when he's hungry.when we don't feed him any more. We promised him he would never be hungry again. he accepted this. His behavior only improved at school after the meeting with his teacher. It was a lot of hard work ahead of us with David, but it will be worth it.

We still didn't have our family allowance sorted out, and the other allowances were not yet sorted out. We were becoming financially drained as they came to us with virtually nothing. They needed so much, and we needed the allowances. It would be okay when it's all sorted out.

We were beginning to feel like a family. It was really hard to get into a routine with washing and school. These 2 children were our main priority. Their happiness and well being came first. They were happy with us, we were happy with them. When we went out, we looked like a family, and felt like a family. It was a good feeling. We knew we had given these 2 children another chance.

We had our family and they had theirs. It felt like they had been here forever. The next 4 weeks are going to be just as hard. I take every day as it comes.

E-mail Lynne and Brian

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