Ruth comes home

Today we brought our little girl home. The build up to this day has been immense.

Though we knew we were bringing her home today, it has been a very tense time, for us both.

Whilst we have been going through the introduction period, it has been hard. We have had to be Mummy and Daddy in the day time with Ruth, then go back to the foster carers and hand her over, and take a step backwards...having to watch Ruth hugging the foster carer has been hard for us.

Saying goodbye was even harder. We know she is ours, well, will be soon, but to be able to be her Mummy and Daddy in the day, then return home without her is so very upsetting.

But today that has all changed. We put the baby seat in the car, packed a few toys, a drink, a snack, and we set off. This was no ordinary journey though, today our whole lives would change from just driving from A to B.

Today our dream came true. We got to the foster cares. Ruth's bag was packed. I was so excited yet so nervous. I knew that by our dream coming true, I would be hurting the foster carer by taking Ruth away from her.

I know its the job of the foster carer to let go of the child, but I knew she was attached to Ruth, maybe even a bit too much, so I knew, we both knew, it would be painful for her to say goodbye to her little charge.

We had a coffee and we made small talk, and began to take her stuff out to the car, allowing the foster carer time to say goodbye to Ruth.

It was so sad to see how our happiness was someone else's pain.
I found this bit the hardest.

We had Ruth in the car and waved as if our arms would fall off. The tears came, from us all, but this is how it had to be, hard as it was, it had to be done.

On the way home, I turned to see her sat in her seat. I could not believe this little child was ours. She was our daughter. I was her Mummy. Rob was her Daddy. We were a family.
She fell asleep on the way home. I kept wondering if I would be a good enough Mummy for her, if I had enough love in me to give her, all sorts of things were going through my head.

I also started to feel really sad for her Birth Mum, something I had not given too much thought about before. I suddenly realised what the Birth Mum had lost. I felt real pain for her and her loss. It seemed through all our joy, there was so much heartache going on else where in other people's hearts.

I had thought I could not experience any other emotions after the adoption assessment, but I was so very wrong, I was feeling a lot of guilt, something that I had never thought I would feel. In the end I put it into perspective and was ok about it all, for now anyway

The car pulled in the drive. We were home. We carried our sleeping daughter in the house, our house. The house would never be the same again. The silence would be no more, no more tears in our house, only tears of joy from now on. The emptiness would be replaced with happiness and love.

The feeling is so immense, so strong, so powerful. So fantastic. It is like a dream, I keep waiting for someone to pinch me and wake me up. Good things like this don't happen to us, they happen to other people, not us. Only this time, it is us.

Ruth is asleep on the sofa, sleeping like an angel. Today God sent us a miracle. In the form of an angel. Our very own sleeping angel.

Today we brought our daughter home. After 19 years of waiting, we are complete. We are a family.

E-mail Ann and Rob

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