This is the diary of Lynne and her husband Brian. Lynne is 30 yrs old and Brian is 32. They have been married for four years ,but have been longing for a family for the last 5 years.

Pre-cancerous cells 8 years ago,left them unable to conceive naturally and a bad experience with IVF left Brian and Lynne childless.

In September last year we were approved for 2 children up to the age of seven. It was a hard assessment period, but all worth while.

This is their diary following approval...

WEEK Three

The thing to happen next will be set in my mind forever. Here we were Brian and I, waiting to meet our children. Our son and daughter. They already knew about us, they had seen the video and the life books we had made for them.

Our son, David, had already said to the foster parents that he wanted to live with us now, as he already knew and loved us. Our daughter, Ashleigh, has decided that she will live with us tonight, after her tea.

As we sat on the sofa, I wondered if it was going to be okay. What if they didn't want to come near us? What if they didn't want us to be their forever mum and dad? My mind was all over the place. I tried to take my mind off things while we waited. They would be here in about 5minutes. The next 5 minutes were to be the last 5 minutes of my life childless. Brian was looking tense, he has slight asthma and his breathing was not right. He was so anxious.

The car was here. They were coming up the path; I could see my daughter's hair. Long and blonde tied up into a ponytail. She was running to the door. My son's face was full of excitement; he had blonde hair and a huge smile. They came into the house.

Ashleigh ran over to us and threw her arms around my neck shouting, "my lovely new mammy, I love you, my forever mammy".

I was really choked. David went half way upstairs and stopped. The foster mother asked him where he was going, he replied, "I'm going for my suitcase, my new mam and dad's here". He then realised we were just next to him and he ran back downstairs and threw himself into my arms crying.

He was sobbing, and it started me off. I asked him why the tears, he said he loved us very, very much and he waited for a long time to see us, he wants to live with us forever. I told him he would be with us forever, but he had to stay with the foster parents for only a short while longer then come to our house.

He accepted this. Ashleigh was all over us. She covered us with kisses and cuddles and continually told us she loved us. Her two bottom teeth were missing and we teased her about kissing the boys at school. I brushed her hair (getting into practice); we put nail varnish on each other, played with her dollies, talked about school, and told her about our dogs and her new bedroom. We bonded.

David sat on my knee and told me about his past, about the neglect and the sadness he had. He told me he loved me for giving him a chance. We played with his playstation, looked at pictures he made at school, looked at his life book we made him, pointing out different things he will se when he comes to live with us.

He was excited about his new bedroom and new school. We bonded. That first meeting was only to be one hour long, but we stayed about 3 hours. The foster parents encouraged this, they wanted us to stay longer, but the children were getting tired.

We said our goodbyes, promising to be back at 10 O'clock the next morning. It was hard to say goodbye, it tore my heart out and I could see the strain on Brian's face as we left. We were silent in the car back to the hotel. We didn't really talk about it that night. We had supper then went to bed after a few drinks in the bar.

Neither of us could sleep that night, we knew what the other was thinking. I couldn't believe how well it went. All my dreams came true that afternoon. Our children accepted us as their new parents. We didn't fall in love with them instantly; it grew over the next few days.

The next day, Tuesday, we went to the foster home for 10 O'clock. They were ready and waiting by the front door for us. They waved to us as if their arms were going to fall off. I had a lump in my throat as I looked at Brian; he looked so proud, so content.

He nearly hit the foster parent's car he was waving so hard. We spent the morning in the foster home. Playing rough and tumble, colouring in their books, jigsaws, talking and more talking. The bond was growing stronger by the minute. I would catch a glimpse of Brian looking at his children, he was so proud. We were becoming a family. The children were supposed to go to school after dinner, but the foster mother kept them off and we spent more time with them.

An arranged 2-hour visit became 4 ½ hours. The children were thrilled that we were staying for lunch. We had hot dogs with tomato sauce. That afternoon when we got ready to go back to the hotel, Ashleigh held on to my leg and refused to let go of it. She screamed and held on so tight. She didn't want us to go, but wanted to come with us.

David sat on the stairs and sobbed, "why do you have to leave us here? I want to come with you, please mam, don't leave me". It was a hard thing to explain to them that were coming back on Thursday, we wouldn't see them tomorrow. They were going to see their birth parents to say goodbye tomorrow.

They didn't know who were their parents, the new ones, or the old ones. They found this extremely hard. So did Brian and I. We finally got away and Brian had to stop the car on the way back to the hotel, we were crying uncontrollably. I wanted my babies home with me, I wanted to start being a real family. This was killing me.

We went home for the day on Wednesday, then travelled back to Liverpool on Thursday morning. The children were waiting at the gate for us. We were to take them out for 2 hours. The foster mother told us not to worry about time, just bring them back whenever! I laughed and said ok, I'll see you next year.

We went to a Whacky Warehouse. It had a play area, and with no other children being there, we had lots of fun. Brian climbed the ropes and swung about like Tarzan, I jumped into the ball pits with the kids. The owner chased Brian and I out after catching us.

The children thought this was very funny. We got caught. We had some lunch, and then went to a park. We all played on the swings, pushing each other, until Brian snapped one of the chains on a swing, then we left. We looked around the town, bought a few pressies, then went back to the foster home. We had been out for 6 hours.

The children were tired, so we bathed them, and put them to bed. Magic. Kissing my son and daughter goodnight was magic. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for England. All the emotions of the last few days got to me, and after a good cry, I felt better. We went back home that night.

Friday, the foster parents brought the children to our house. They raced all over, in their new bedrooms, exploring the house, chasing with the dogs, (2 retrievers), making friends with next doors kids, meeting their new nana and grandad. They loved it. We loved it. We loved the children.

Our house was now full of noise, chatter, laughter. family noises. It was bliss. We took them back to the foster home, and we had a repeat of Tuesday. Screaming and shouting. Wanting to come back home with us, not letting go of our legs, crying until they fell asleep.

We sneaked out back to the hotel. The next morning, Saturday, we picked them up in our car and took the back home. They played in our drive all day with their new found friends, ate at our table with us, played in their new bedrooms and laid on our sofa watching t.v.

This was a real family feeling. When it was time to get in the car to go back to the foster home, David ran off shouting he didn't want to go back. This was his home, he was staying here. I rang the foster mother and she could hear them crying in the background. She told me to ring her back in 10 minutes. I rang her back, and she had been speaking to the children's social worker, and she allowed them to stay with us until Monday morning.

That was 2 nights. This was scary. The children were ecstatic about it. They had tea, a bath, and then off to bed. We had already bought new pyjamas for them, and a bottle of matey bubble bath. It was a strange feeling that first night. I laid awake all night just listening for them. I checked they were still there about 10 times during the night. Did I feed them enough, are they warm enough, are they clean, are they happy??? They were in their beds, fast asleep, clean, full bellies, and content.

The next morning we went shopping to our indoor shopping centre. We spent all day there and had a good day out. The children had new clothes on what we had bought in America. We had our dinner and went to visit my parents. We had cake and sandwiches there, and Ashleigh loved her new nana instantly.

David latched onto his new grandad. We went back home, bathed our children and they went to bed. The foster mother rang asking how they were, and was pleased to hear we had no problems. David's behaviour problems were beginning to show; he was constantly hitting Ashleigh and being pretty nasty with her. But, these were the problems we would have to deal with anyway. We would see the social workers in the morning.

Monday morning, we arrived at the foster home at 10 a.m. and the children went into the garden to play. There had been an emergency meeting arranged specially for us. It was decided that the children were to move to our home that day. So soon.

Only 6 days of introductions and they were coming home for good. They squealed with delight when we told them the news, and we went to their rooms to pack their things. They didn't have very much, a black bin liner full of toys, and 2 carrier bags each of clothes. This was it. our children were coming to live with us, and we were nervous.

All of a sudden there were going to be 2 kids running wild in our house, more food to cook, extra cleaning, extra laundry, I could go on forever. But it was all going to be worth while.wasn't it???

E-mail Lynne and Brian

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