This is the diary of Lynne and her husband Brian. Lynne is 30 yrs old and Brian is 32. They have been married for four years ,but have been longing for a family for the last 5 years.

Pre-cancerous cells 8 years ago,left them unable to conceive naturally and a bad experience with IVF left Brian and Lynne childless.

In September last year we were approved for 2 children up to the age of seven. It was a hard assessment period, but all worth while.

This is their diary following approval... WEEK TWO

Last week, Brian and I went to matching panel. Janet, our social worker, represented us. It was in her hands now.our lives.

Emotions were running high to say the least. Brian and I were silent with each other. I was trying to imagine what it is going to be like with 2 kids running around the house.

I even tried to think what we would do if we were not matched with the kids.Devastation.

The thoughts of devastation did not last long, for we were matched successfully with the kids.

The matching panel had no problems with us being their new parents. This is the beginning. A new start with a new family.

I was scared. What if the kids didn't bond with us, what if they hated us as soon as they saw us? This was the hardest part now.

Reality didn't sink in until a few days after matching panel, when Janet rang and said that we had a meeting in Liverpool to discuss the meeting arrangements with the kids.

We were to meet them for the first time that day also. This was going to be it.Brian and I would meet our children for the first time ever next Monday.

It was the strangest feeling ever. The agency decision-maker had not signed the papers yet, but we were told it wasn't a problem.

They would be signed in time for our meeting on Monday. We were not worried. We were meeting our children. Nothing would take that away from us.

On Monday morning, we were ready early. A phone call from Janet stopped all excitement. The papers still had not been signed.

The agency decision-maker had been moving offices and had mislaid the papers. He could not find them; therefore, we could not meet our children. The meeting would have to be put back until next week.

Brian and I were devastated. We cried. A lot. Things were going wrong, and we were out of control.

I kept ringing Janet every 15 minutes. Still, they had not been signed. We had to leave the house at 10.30 to get to Liverpool on time.

At 10.10, I rang Janet once again and she said, "Lynne, I really don't know what to say to you. Everyone in our office has dropped what he or she was doing, and they're on your case."

We can't do any more, we're doing everything possible to get these papers signed for you".

I knew she meant it, and I suppose I took it out on Janet.

I screamed down the telephone, "get the bloody papers signed, I'll ring you back in 10 minutes".

Brian and I were silent. The clock ticked loudly and we were on the edge of our seats. I rang Janet back and I couldn't hear her. She was saying something like, "not yet, not yet".

I told her to hang on; I need to turn the radio down. When I picked the phone back up, I could hear everyone in the office screaming and cheering.

Janet shouted, "get in the car and get to Liverpool, he's signed the papers".

I screamed, Brian screamed. I cried.again. We got in the car and drove to Liverpool like nothing was going to stop us now.

We got there on time for the appointment, and were shown into a large room.

There were the kids foster parents, their social worker, our social worker, the care workers, the head of the adoption agency we used, and Brian and I.

We felt a little intimidated at the time, but we were determined to meet our children that day.

The meeting went smoothly. The introductions were to take place over a period of 2 weeks. 2-4 hours a day for the next 2 weeks.

It wasn't much, but we were grateful for that little bit of time they gave us. We got to a part on the forms about contact from the birth family.

The social worker realised that the application to stop further contact from the birth family hadn't been applied for. If the children were placed with us, the birth family still had visiting rights once every 3 months.

Another moment of devastation set in. the room was silent. No one knew what to say. I started crying again. I couldn't stand it any longer.

The kid's social worker was nearly crying, and we just sat wondering what was going to happen now.

The meeting would have to stop, and the order applied for to the court. This would take a long time, maybe months.

The head of the agency asked for someone from the legal department to come to the room. She was asked what would happen, and where did Brian and I stand.

She said we had 2 options.

Option 1 was to cancel the meeting and apply to the court and wait.

Option 2 was to go ahead with meeting the children and take the chance that the birth family doesn't ask for contact.

They had never bothered with going to the meetings anyway, and the children's social worker hinted that we go with option 2.

Brian and I needed to talk about this alone. We went out in the corridor. At the same time, we both said, "go for it".

We went back in the room and told them we wanted to go with option 2. We wanted to meet our children today. Nothing will stop us now.

If the birth family requested a meeting with the children, then we would handle it at the time. We made the decision, we were going to the foster home, and we were going to meet our children.

In about 2 hours time, we would meet the 2 little people who are to change our lives forever.This was the strangest feeling ever.

Our children were due in from school at 3.45. We arrived at the foster home at 3.30 and had a much needed cuppa. The foster father was to bring them home from school.
We waited...

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