This is the diary of Lynne and her husband Brian. Lynne is 30 yrs old and Brian is 32. They have been married for four years ,but have been longing for a family for the last 5 years.

Pre-cancerous cells 8 years ago,left them unable to conceive naturally and a bad experience with IVF left Brian and Lynne childless.

In September last year we were approved for 2 children up to the age of seven. It was a hard assessment period, but all worth while.

This is their diary following approval...

Week 1 - From the beginning

Well. where can I start?

Last time you read this we had one week to go to panel. As all you 'approved' people will know, Brian and I went through the 'trying stage' in our marriage.

For the time running up to panel date, we fell out with each other numerous times. Things were not bad though. we both knew the reasons why.

I was a really horrible person to Brian, and I'm not like that at all. On the night before panel day, we didn't sleep at all. I lay awake all night, wondering what its going to be like, looking on the bleak side.

We asked ourselves what we would do if we weren't approved. Go for it again? Walk away from it? Well, we wanted this so much; we would try again and again until we did get approved.

We had nothing to worry about that day. Janet rang us at 3.40 that afternoon and all she said was, "yes Lynne, yes" I couldn't speak. I was overwhelmed. I cried, I screamed, I went into shock. Brian was crying. We were going to be parents.
I was going to be a mother. A whole new meaning took over. We had things to do. We had a family to look for, bedrooms to get ready.

One week after panel, Janet rang us. She had the Be My parent newsletter. She had found two children she thought would be a good match for us. She brought it over and left it with us. She said we should look at it first without telling us who she had seen, and let her know who we had decided on.

This was it.I had never seen anything like this before. Inside were pictures of children.lots of them. It was heartbreaking, so many looking for their forever mum and dad. It was like looking at a catalogue for new shoes. Do we want black hair or blonde, a boy or a girl, blue eyes or brown? This was hard.

All these small faces looking at us.wanting us to choose them all. We couldn't choose all of them, but we can offer two children a family life, parents, love, patience, understanding. After looking for a long time, Brian and I settled on two children. Brother and sister. It was really hard to choose, we wanted them to be the right ones for us, and we wanted to be the right parents for them. That was the most important thing.

We rang Janet. When she saw whom we had chosen she said, "I don't believe it. that's the same children I chose to be a good match for you" this was fate. These 2 kids were meant to be our family. I loved them instantly.

Things moved really fast after that. We are going to yet another panel this week. The matching panel. Our future lies in the hands of Janet, our social worker. She has to represent us next week, try to convince the panel that we are going to be good for these 2 kids. I'm feeling really confident about them. I know they're meant to be our family, I have a really good feeling about this. It's going to work.

We have done a lot of work in the house. We painted rooms, put shelves up, bought toys and clothes, made our house child friendly. While we were doing these things, the excitement inside was a feeling of such immense love, I was so impatient, and I wanted them here years ago.

I know they will be here soon, it's still really scary though. We just have to get through next week. How I wish it was now. How I wish now was this time last year. Things are never going to be the same again. We are ready for our family now. The waiting time is here again. We will know next week if our feelings about this match are the right ones. They have to be matched with us.

We feel so confident, it feels so right.

E-mail Lynne and Brian

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