AAAAAHHHH. July. Summer time. The month was full of paddling pools and trips to the seaside. It was also Brian's and my anniversary. And, it was my birthday. I got my first ever 'happy birthday mammy' cards. They were home made and will be cherished forever.

David and Ashleigh had their dad take them to Woolies and they bought sticky paper and tissue paper. They made cards in secret at their granddad and nana's house. On the morning of my birthday they woke me up by diving on my bed. They threw the cards in my face, and demanded I opened them NOW.

They were beautiful. Tissue flowers and sticky shapes all over them, with their names in big letters inside with lots of kisses. Then, they asked me if they could have a chocolate from my present. They wouldn't tell me what was in the parcel, but could they have chocolate out of it when I opened it. Now I think of it, they ate nearly all of the sweets.

I am still having guilty feelings. The birth mother should be getting these birthday cards, not me. God, will these feelings ever go away? No one told me in the assessment about these feelings of guilt. I suspect every adoptive mother will have these feeling of some kind. It's not nice, feeling guilty for loving 2 children, feeling guilty for receiving the love from them. I really don't know if these guilty feelings will ever go away.

Brian and I would usually go out for a meal on our wedding anniversary, but this year, we didn't have the funds for it, so we stayed in with the kids instead and had a Chinese takeaway with a bottle of wine. We bought a bottle of Buck's fizz for the kids, and they thought it was great. I gave David a sly sip of wine, and he didn't like it. It was a special night for us.

The summer holidays are upon us, and David spent the first week of them grounded. I took the children to our local shop for some bread and a newspaper one morning, and when we got home, some sweeties had 'fallen into his pocket'.

Then he changed his story to 'there were fairies in the shop and they put them in my pocket'. But how did the zip come to be pulled up on his coat? This isn't the first time David has stolen from shops. I took him back to the shop and he gave the sweets back to the shop. The people in our local shop are not nice people, and he was banned from using the shop.
I thought they would give him a lecture on stealing, but they were pretty nasty to him. So, now David was grounded for the first week of the summer holidays. He wasn't happy about this punishment, but he had to be punished for stealing.

Brian and I bought a paddling pool. It was huge and fitted into our front yard nicely. It was a mistake putting it there as we had all the local kids wanting to come in. By the end of the day I think we had about 30 kids in and out.

It was lots of fun though, but next weekend I think it will go in the back garden. I couldn't cope with that many kids and had to ring for help from my oldest niece.

We also started our weekly visits to the seaside. My parents have a caravan near us, so this was used a lot. We had our first holiday there. The kids were looking forward to it but David was a little worried about going away. I got to the bottom of it though, and he was worried he might not be coming back home.

I promised him I would be with him and he was definitely coming home with us. He accepted this but I think he was still a little bit worried. We only stayed for one night, and David seemed pretty calm about it. He was happy to be home though, but did ask when we would be going back again.

We will have lots of holidays there in the school break; there was a still lot of time left till the end of the 6 weeks holidays. Ashleigh took it all in her stride, accepting the holiday and accepting the fact we would be coming home. She had no question about us not coming home, and she didn't seem worried in the slightest, although she did wet the bed on that only night we were away.

This was not normal from Ashleigh. She is normally dry during the night. Stranger though, David had a completely dry night. Can't win!

Things are improving greatly with both of the children. David's teacher gave him a fantastic report from school. I was really impressed with it. He ended off with more awards than Ashleigh did at the end of term.

Our living room wall is covered with awards, mostly from David. His headteacher wrote, "we have seen a great change in David's behaviour at school, more so in the last 4 weeks. He is responding more to the teacher and taking notice of her. His concentration level is also improving.
He is making new friends now and learning to play football".

We were impressed with it. We made a huge fuss of him with his glowing report, and he vowed next year's report to be even better. Ashleigh's report was just as good. Her teacher said she was doing really well. Since she came to the school, she has grown in confidence and made lots of friends. Her teacher has also noticed a change in Ashleigh's speech, her stammer virtually gone.

Both Brian and I were impressed with these 2 children. We were proud. We had our first parents evening. It was strange talking to the teachers about them, our children. They were saying good things about them, and telling us what a good thing we were doing with the children.

They were fitting in well at school and their work was coming on nicely. They didn't need a statement of special needs; their work was catching up without it.

Ashleigh's tantrums have phased out now. Over the last month, we have only had 2. Both in the house and only lasting about 10 minute each. The first one, I carried her to her room. She was kicking and screaming. I picked her off the floor and carried her upstairs. I told her if she was going to make a noise she could do it in her room as I was trying to hoover the floor, and I couldn't do it with her lying there.

She lay on her room floor screaming for about 10 minutes, and when she realised I wasn't there, she stopped, went to the toilet and came downstairs. She then put on her shoes she threw at me earlier, and went outside to play.

The second time she had a tantrum, she done it to her daddy. Brian wasn't having any of it, and before she had a chance to throw herself on the floor, he put her straight in her room, and she threw herself on the floor there. She screamed for a few minutes and came back down stairs. Once again, she put on her 1 shoe she threw at Brian earlier, and went outside with her friends. It was forgotten about, and when she came in for tea, we never mentioned it. So, we hope, (fingers crossed), that they're about to stop. I should be so lucky. This little sweet girl was so much hard work when she was in one of her moods. Hahaha.

So now, we're in the middle of the summer holidays and things are doing okay. I don't know if I will still have my sanity by the end of the holidays. We have 4 weeks left now, but we have lots to do. Lots of visits to the caravan, lots of paddling pools outside and lots of fun to have before they go back to school.

Things have been great the last month. David is a typical boy, getting up to lots of mischief. Ashleigh's priorities are playing outside with her friends and playing in the paddling pool. Aaahhhh to be that age again.

We will keep on top of the children, letting them know the boundaries, how far they can push us. We will get the rewards in the end. They are there to get. They are settling in with us really well, and everyone is amazed at how far we have come with them. We are bonding every day more and more with them, and the love is growing stronger. Each day is different; we all learn something new.

E-mail Lynne and Brian

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