During the last week the subject of 'feeling guilt' was featured on our site.

Two readers have written there own, very personal, account of the feelings of guilt they experienced after adopting children.

Below is the second account, which is
un-edited, the first appeared yesterday. Click here to read yesterdays article

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I found these stories quite amazing, I hope you do too
Matt
Web Editor.

Hello, my name is Andrea. My husband's name is Dave and we had two children, age 6 and 7, placed with us in august of last year.

I have experienced all sorts of feelings since then, but the strongest feeling, apart from the love for my children, is the feeling of guilt. Why? You may ask, do I feel guilty? Well, it's hard to explain, but I'll try.

My children had a really hard start in life, suffering neglect from being a tiny baby. They were removed by social services and placed in foster care.
They were also placed on the child protection register and were in care for 2 ½ years before they were placed with Dave and I.

From the moment I saw them, I fell in love with them. But, the very first time they called me 'mammy', I felt so guilty.

They shouldn't be calling me that should they? They already had a mother. They should be calling her mammy. All my life, I wanted to hear my child say that word then, when it happens, I feel guilty.

I met the birth mother. She was quiet, showed no emotion at all and never asked about the children. her children.

She looked at a couple of pictures I had with me, and asked the social worker for her bus fare back home. I pitied her before, but now, I don't know how I feel about her.

Maybe there's still some pity I have for her. I'm watching her children grow up. She won't see any of it. I'm enjoying her children. I'm giving her children their goodnight kisses. I'm seeing these 2 children grow into 2 beautiful children. She won't see any of this.

This is where the guilt comes in. I feel guilty for taking this all away from her. Even though I know social services actually 'took them away', I feel as though I was the one who did it. I can't seem to get my head round the fact that she had all the help possible to look after these 2 children. Children should be with their mother, and that's where these 2 children should be.

I longed for my own family for years. I hated anyone who had an abortion or gave their children up for adoption. These people who couldn't take care of their children didn't deserve to have children. So maybe, that puts my children's birth mother in that category? Or maybe not? I don't know.

I don't hate her, I just feel guilty for having her children. For receiving the unconditional love I do from them, for seeing them in their school nativity play, for being with them when they're sick, for wiping away the tears, for being their mammy.

Yes, I'm their mammy, and they look at me like I'm their mammy. But, some ways they make their faces, they look like their birth mother, and its then when I realise they're not my birth children, but someone else's, another woman's children.

She carried them for 9 months, gave birth to them, breast-fed them, and nurtured them. I missed out on all of that. But, now I'm doing everything for them. I've got their best years of their lives.

It still doesn't stop how I feel. Guilt, it's a horrible thing, and it's not nice to feel it, especially in my situation. I try my best to give these 2 children what they've missed out on, and they give me something backs in return what money can't buy. love, respect, the family I've always wanted.

They now have a future they can look forward to. They have a mother and a father who love them a hell of a lot. But I do think of their birth mother every day.

I think about what she's missing out on. Simple things like, paintings from school, watching movies together snuggled up on the couch and the bedtime stories, kisses and cuddles. She's missing out on their childhood, I'm getting it all, and I feel guilty for having that pleasure.