This is the diary of Lynne and her husband Brian. Lynne is 30 yrs old and Brian is 32. They have been married for four years ,but have been longing for a family for the last 5 years.

Pre-cancerous cells 8 years ago,left them unable to conceive naturally and a bad experience with IVF left Brian and Lynne childless.

In September last year we were approved for 2 children up to the age of seven. It was a hard assessment period, but all worth while.

This is their diary following approval...

Week 10.

Aaaah August. We're in full swing of the school summer holidays. We have had a fantastic month with our children. This is the way is should always be. It felt 'normal'. Like a family life should be. The kids played outside in the sunshine and got themselves a nice healthy glow off the sun. I was in my element this month. I loved this month. It's got to be the best month we have had.

The paddling pool was never put away, every spare moment was spent in that pool. The kids from next door were in it every time my kids were. We invested in a swing/slide set for the garden, they loved it.

Late nights were a treat for them, and we spent lots of the warm evenings on the beach with our dogs followed by a fish supper. This was the best ever. These memories are locked away with all the other wonderful memories I have of my two children.

These kids were learning to be kids. Paddling pools, sandcastles, ice creams and parks. These were the things they never had before, so every day was new for them. What did they do in a paddling pool? What's a sandcastle? Can we really play on the swings in the park?

By the end of the month, they were typical kids, without a care in the world. David's main priority was his bike and ice creams. Ashleigh's main priority was her pushchair and the swing in the back garden.

The beginning of the month we went to visit a friend in Rhyl, Wales. She lives near there, and it was close for us to meet her there. We stayed in a hotel for 2 nights. David was a little worried about staying in a hotel. He became extremely clingy with me.

He was normally with me wherever I went, but these 3 days, he was different. He wouldn't let go of my hand. He insisted he slept in my bed with me. This wasn't normal for David and I later found out he was terrified I was going to leave him.

He was scared he was going to lose his new mam and dad. When we got home, it took a couple of days for him to realise it was just a holiday and he was coming home with us. He was feeling insecure, but he finally realised he wasn't going anywhere without his mam and dad.

It was hard for him to understand we weren't going to leave him. Ashleigh enjoyed her holiday. She stared at everything, things she had never seen before. Like a pier out to sea, or a little boy building a sandcastle. She was amazed at everything. This was a whole new world to her. There really was a life outside of the four walls of her old bedroom with her birth family.

After we came back from Rhyl, the next 3 weeks just went by easily. We had no major problems with either of them. We all enjoyed each other. Brian had some time off work so we went to my parent's caravan for a week. We had a real family holiday. We played on the beach every day, sat outside in the evening with the kids playing with other kids from round the caravan site. We all bonded that little bit more. It was bliss.

Brian went back to work and I stayed at home with the kids. I don't work anyway, but my housework was forgotten for a while, I was enjoying my family too much. The kids seemed more relaxed with us now; we had a strong bond growing.

David was sick for a couple of days in the 3rd week of this month. He had really bad sickness and daihorreah. He cried for me in the middle of the night, and I got out of bed so fast I stumped my toes on the bed leg. I sat up with him all night while he knelt with his head in a bucket sitting on the loo. I brought the quilt into the bathroom, and we both slept on the bathroom floor. He thought this was an adventure, but it was closer to the loo.

When he cried for me, I sat on his bed with him wrapped in my arms. He eventually fell asleep, and for 5 minutes, I cried for him. Here was a little boy, with all his problems, problems of his past life, and he cried for me. me.
Not his birth mother. but me. I felt an overwhelming surge of love for this little boy; I can't explain what it was like. It was like finally realising I loved him. Don't get me wrong, I already loved him. But, this particular night, I felt like his mother, like he and I were the only 2 people in the world. Everything I ever felt for anyone in my whole life went into this little boy, my son. It was unreal. It was a wonderful feeling. Now I know how new mothers feel when their newborn baby is placed on their body after birth. The bond, the love.

Ashleigh didn't get sick, so I think David picked something up and ate it. He does things like that usually. Ashleigh didn't have a single tantrum this month. Phew.. I was relieved.

The month passed in a blur of summer holidays and sandcastles. I loved every minute. I loved being buried in the sand, I loved paddling with my children, I loved catching crabs with my son, and I loved sharing ice creams with my daughter. Every single minute of every single day will be etched in my mind forever.

I cherish every day with my children. I thank God for them every night and I also say a little prayer for the birth mother. I tell her what she's missed that day, and hope she's not too angry she missed it. This was my way of not feeling guilty any more. It doesn't work; I still have the guilty feelings. They're not too bad lately, but I still have these feelings.

We will live every day like it's the last day of our lives. We will cherish our children and everything they do and say. It will be with us forever.

E-mail Lynne and Brian

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