Ann and Rob are a couple from north Wales who have been trying for a family for 18 years. They have had various medical interventions including four cycles of IVF treatment, all to no avail.

So they have decided to try for adoption. Ann has decided to keep a diary about their journey through the adoption process and the emotional rollercoaster it takes them on. Adoption-net is carrying a weekly update on their progress.

Week 14 - The day of the assessment interview arrives

I had my own separate interview for the assessment this week. I had been dreading this bit so much. I knew infertility was going to come up, it always does in some form or other.

I did not sleep much the night before really, I was so worried that she would ask questions that were painful, and I would get upset in front of her.

So, she arrived, and in I went...alone. It started off OK really. She asked all about Rob, and how I thought he had coped with his childhood in care.

I answered best I could, but was I the one to really ask about that? I know my opinion counts, but to be honest, I thought the best answer could only come from Rob.

I think she wanted to find out if he had told her the truth about his time in the care system, that he had not held back any information. To the best of my knowledge, he has always been honest and open with her about his time in care. There is no point at all in keeping anything back; nothing will be gained by it at all.

After discussing Rob, she turned to me. Asked me how I thought my childhood had been. How did my parents treat me? How was I in school? What sort of things did I do as a child? And then the bit I had dreaded. How did I feel when I found out I could not have my own children?

How did Rob react when I told him? How had I been since I lost the babies? Was I over it? (You NEVER get over it, you accept it best you can, try to deal with it, and get on with whatever life holds for you).

How did I feel knowing Rob could father a child if he was not with me? My answer to that was that he had the chance to leave years ago if he wanted to, (which he did not).

I told him to go years ago when I found out that nothing else could be done treatment wise. (I have since found out this is very common with infertile couples.) I felt he should be given the choice to have his own child.

But he was so upset at me for saying that but I felt I had to say it. Even now, writing this, I am crying remembering when I said it.

It is so painful having to say that to the one person you love so much in the world, asking them to go and find happiness with someone who can give them what they want - a child.

When that is the last thing in the world that you want to happen. But at the time, I thought why should he suffer when it is none of his fault?

When you are told you will never have children, you are so confused, so emotional, all sorts of things, get said, things you know don't make sense, but at that time they do.

I told her he had spent years getting me to believe it was me he wanted, not anyone else. It hurt that she was bringing all this up again. She said it was something she had to ask but would not be asked again. I hope not.

It is too painful to have to think about it again. I want to be able to put it away and never have to bring it out again.

I hope now I won't have to talk too much about the infertility. I think it has all been talked out.

She told us we would probably have weekly visits from now on. So we should be before panel a lot sooner than we thought.

All checks have been done now. All is left is for me to put the finishing touches on the form F and her to check it, write her bit, and then we can go to panel.

At the start, it seemed along way away but now the end is starting to come into sight.

We are still keeping busy. My garden could win 'garden of the year' now! It is full of hanging baskets. At least I have a nice colourful garden thanks to the assessment! It has never looked so nice!

So, another assessment next week. We are to talk about discipline. Behavioural problems, etc, And contact issues.

E-mail Ann and Rob

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