Week 13 - A surprise is sprung

We had another assessment visit this week.

We also started on the individual interviews. I decided to let Rob go first, to test the water.

The individual thing is to find out if there is anything that we are hiding from each other, I think, and to see if we are both coming from the same place.

It is also to find out things that we may not know about each other - which does not apply in our case.

Basically she went over Rob's feelings when his Mum died when he was nine years of age, how he felt when he went into care and was separated from his brothers and sister.

Infertility came up, again, (doesn't it always), and she asked him whose fault it was.

I did not like this. It is no ones fault, no one is to blame.

She also asked him if he would be able to father a child with another woman if he was not with me.

I feel this was wrong to ask. We come as a package, we are one. Rob has spent years convincing me that it is 'us' that can't have children, not just me, and I felt it was wrong to have to make him say he could father a child with someone else.

He is not with anyone else. He is with me, and has been since 1983.

I really don't feel this was at all relevant to the assessment. It has nothing to do with adoption.

To date, this is the only fault I have found with the assessment. I expect they have rules and procedures to follow but it still does not change the fact that I think it is wrong to have to make someone answer that question.

After his individual interview, she called me in.

She then went on to say she had some information on two small boys who had to be placed out of county. She had the profiles and gave us them with a picture of them.

We were not expecting this at all. We have not even been approved yet.

So now we were faced with a picture of two little chaps who may become our sons one day.

It was a weird feeling, one we had not thought we would ever face during the assessment.

She went on to say that although she would put our names forward if we wanted her to, there would be other couples who also would be interested in the boys - perhaps couples who had been approved. So she advised us not to get our hopes up.

Don't get our hopes up? We were on cloud nine!

But she brought us back to reality in the end; she reminded us she had told us about this before, that it may happen.

I recalled then that she had said the agency may try to link us with a child during the process, but that they would always tell us what was going on, as she had done.

We don't hold out much hope as we are weeks away from panel according to our social worker, and I doubt very much the boys will still be there by the time we go to panel.

But, no harm in hoping is there? I don't know if I am happy or sad at the moment, my emotions are all over the place.

Someone has just shown us photos of two little chaps and there is a possibility that they may be our sons. And on the other hand they may not be. I don't know how I am supposed to feel to be honest.

But I do feel more positive that we will be approved now. I expect these two little chaps will be the first of many children's pictures we see. Only time will tell.

E-mail Ann and Rob

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