Book review - Whose Child?

This is truly a 'must read' book for anyone that is part of the adoption triad. It is Kasey Hamner's personal and very moving story of her life up to present day.

It was a painful book to read at times, as a birth mother, to know of the pain and loss that a child grows up with thinking that you've been given away, no matter what the circumstances were at the time of birth.

Even harder when you read that Kasey was adopted by a couple who already have two boys but wanted a girl to complete their family. They found it hard to bond with her.

Her adoptive mother tried to make her into a child that was the 'perfect' girl who would be a famous actress. Her adoptive father was always distant. Their eldest son abused her from the age of five, whilst the youngest tried to ignore her the best he could.

Kasey knew that she was never really a part of the family as she had to share a room with the maid.

Kasey draws a vivid picture of her life and emotions, the see-saw ride of self-inflicted obsessions and how she finally managed to beat them.

Her conflicts as she gets to know her birth parents and extended families, and how she managed to come to terms with herself and her life by letting people love her and love them in return.

Again and again in the book she says to learn the truth, no matter what it is and how it may hurt, by doing so you can move on with your life to grow and heal.

It's the secrets that surround adoption that seem to cause all the problems, from rejection to the inability to love and trust, always pushing and testing the people closest to you to make sure that their feelings are true.

It is a painful book to read, stirring up all kinds of emotions in the reader from sadness to anger to despair, especially if you are part of the triad.

But every person should read this to be able to understand feelings that may be deeply buried, but should be talked about.

The message that does come over loud and clear is: Know yourself by finding out who you are. It may not be the happy ending you want and dream about, but self-discovery is part of the healing process to move on with your life.

Whose Child? by Kasey Hamner, is published by Triad Publishing.

Reviewed by Julie Goldsmith, a birth mother