Week 18 - Hopes and doubts

Well, another week has passed. All is silent from the social worker side.

It's a really funny feeling. We have finished everything now, there is no more we can do except wait for an answer.

I know have we have waited for so long and another couple of weeks shouldn't make any difference. But it does. The nearer we are to panel, the harder it is getting - so near, yet so far. If I had one wish now it would be to move time forward very fast.

These last few weeks have felt like a few months. The longer we wait, the more convinced I am that we won't be approved. But that's just my negative side coming out again. Rob is convinced all will be well.

I have been jumping down his throat a few times this week. But as he would say, that's nothing new! I am trying to spend the time keeping myself busy around the house or sunbathing. But whatever I do, my mind always ends up back with the same thought...adoption panel...what if?

It's a bit of a pain when all my friends keep asking me how it is all going. I keep having to talk about it all with them, and then all over again when I see the next friend. I know they mean well, I really do, but it is a bit of a strain. It makes me want to hide away until it's all over.

On the whole, I am glad that I did tell my mates all about it - it's only now I sometimes wish I had not, now that the pressure is on and it's all becoming real.

There re all there to support me, I know that, but at present all I really want is to try to forget it all for a while, but I can't say that to them, it would be rude of me, so I just have to keep going over the same thing with each of them.

But hey, the sun is shining. I will be fine, we will be fine, everything will be fine...

E-mail Ann and Rob

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