Ann and Rob are a couple from north Wales who have been trying for a family for 18 years. They have had various medical interventions including four cycles of IVF treatment, all to no avail.

So they have decided to try for adoption. Ann has decided to keep a diary about their journey through the adoption process and the emotional rollercoaster it takes them on. Adoption-net is carrying a weekly update on their progress.

Week 20 - The panel decides

It has taken a long time to get this far. It has been going on since 1983.

In fact, it has been going on all my life.

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to have a family of my own. I used to take people's children out in prams for a walk as a child. I used to baby sit any chance I had. I would do anything to be in the company of a child.

When I married, that continued, only this time I was babysitting friends' children, and my sister in law's. I have always been happiest when in the company of children.

Only when the children are other people's, you have to give them back. That was the big difference. Those children were never ours.

It has been a struggle, although struggle is not quite the right word. I don't know what is the right word - hope, heartbreak, promises, desperation. But most importantly: determination.

We have been so determined not to be defeated. Even after four unsuccessful IVF cycles, we still would not face defeat. Sometimes I may have felt like leaving this world, it seemed too painful to go on at times.

But through the love of my husband and his unconditional support, I stood my ground and we carried on. Our dream was too precious to give up on it.

After the IVF, we had a break for a few years so we could regain our sanity. Adoption was always in our minds - but, it had to be at the right time and for the right reasons.

Last year, the time was right and we started out on our adoption assessment. At the time, the end looked along way away and, to be honest, it looked out of our reach.

The endless form filling, social workers visiting, check after check. It seemed never ending. But deep down, we knew one day, the waiting would all end...one way or the other.

Yesterday at 3pm, it did end. July 12, 2001, marked a new beginning for us. We were officially approved to adopt two children from 0 to seven years.

To say we are overjoyed is an understatement. To say we are ecstatic is also an understatement.

When the call came, the first words our social worker said were: "It went well, you are approved, they loved you."

Those were all the words we needed to hear. When Rob put the phone down, we just cried in each other's arms. Then we sat down and just stared into space.

It was funny, we thought we would be jumping all over the place after the call came, but we were just shocked, we could not believe it had happened.

That was it. It was over. Actually over.

We phoned family and friends and they were overjoyed for us.

Today, it seems to have sunk in a bit more. We ARE going to be parents. I don't know when, but we are going to be a family.

We went out today and bought two little toy dogs. They are the same as our two Jack Russell's, one brown and one white. We thought it would be nice to put them on the pillows for the children...our children.

So now we are approved. Now the wait begins to have a child linked to us, then matched to us.

A few people have told us that this next stage is the hardest. The stage when we have to wait. The stage when we know children are out there and we have to wait for someone to match us with them.

Time will tell how hard it will be, and how long.

Can I just say here a big thank you to our social worker who has been the best. She has been so kind to us, so understanding. And also to all those people who have mailed us from this diary.

The support and kind thoughts you have given us have kept us going. It has often been hard to write this diary every week, but knowing you are all out there, willing us on, even though you may be going through the same assessment, has given us strength to keep going on many an occasion.

WE DID IT!

E-mail Ann and Rob

The diary will continue until Ann and Rob are matched with children.

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