Week 19 - One week and counting...

Another week has passed.

The beginning of the week started with us continuing the daily countdown to panel day which on Monday was 23 days and counting.

It feels like the build-up to the launch of another space shuttle. But to us, it is just that. It is just as wondrous, just as momentous.

We seem to be looking at things in a different light this week, too. We are starting to look forward, not backwards. We are looking forward to Christmas Eve, wrapping little presents, putting them in stockings, looking forward to our first FAMILY holiday.

Things do not seem so bleak anymore. I don't know what has happened to put us in this new frame of mind. It just seems as if we woke up one day and decided we had to look to the future with a more positive outlook.

So we carried on with the countdown. Tuesday: 22 days, Wednesday: 21 days, and today...following a phone call, the countdown suddenly got dramatically shorter.

We had a call from our social worker. She told us she has had a space in the next panel meeting and has allocated us in the panel agenda for that day. That day being next week!

She has told us she will be in panel in the afternoon after lunch. We are just one of a number of couples being considered for approval, so we will have to wait our turn in the meeting.

We would have liked to have been able to go to panel ourselves. But in our local authority, it is not allowed.

Our social worker has promised to ring us the second she comes out of the meeting "to put us out of our misery", she said...but actually that is not so far from the truth.

I hate to think what we will be like on THE day. I can only imagine it will be best for Rob not to talk to me much, or else there is a big chance I will bite his head off,

But he also needs to deal with he day in his own way, too, so it remains to be seen how we handle each other. Each of us will need a lot of support, that fact I know. But whether each of us will be in the right frame of mind to offer that support is another question.

When the going gets tough, I tend to snap a lot, I prefer to be left in my own little world.

I have started ringing round my friends and told them what is happening. I have asked NO ONE to telephone me that afternoon. If the phone rang, and it was not the social worker, I think it would be the end of my friendship. My heart would be beating and I would be so cross!

My emotions are all over the place. I am trying so hard to be positive. But I have a feeling, as the week goes on, I will lose some of it.

We have a lot of support from family and friends, for which we are very grateful and can never thank those people enough for always being there for us.

We have also had a lot of e-mails from this diary offering us support. These have been invaluable to us. Thank you so much to everyone who has mailed us with good wishes.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you all for being there with us, every step of the way. Thank you. Please, keep everything that is crossable, crossed for us.

So, this is it. Only a few day's until panel day...the day our dreams may come true, the day we have been waiting for...for 18 long years.

They do say dreams can come true. I hope and pray they are right. Ever since I was a little girl I have had my dream. This time, maybe this time. Please God, let this be the time it comes true.

Seven days and counting...

E-mail Ann and Rob

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