Week 1 - The social worker is coming

I expect this will be the first entry of many during the following months, just how many months the whole process will take remains to be seen.

Some people say a year, others six to eight months. But if it's a year, how on earth will I be able to cope?

I have also heard the whole process is very invasive. Everyone is trying to give us all sorts of advice.

Apparantly they ask all sort of questions. Someone even told me they ask about your sex life. I hope not. That does not seem at all relevant to me, but if it's part of the process, then I guess we have to go along with it, dont we.

It is now six weeks since we sent off our request to see a social worker to ask about adoption.

She phoned us up the other day and said she was coming to see us next week. So it seems, at last, we are on our way!

But really, this is only just the start, I suppose, isn't it. There are so many things we have to do before we go before the panel, and before our application is complete.

We are both really scared, all sorts of things are going through our heads, especially mine.

Are we good enough to be adoptive parents? Am I too overweight? Will my asthma go against me? Am I too old? I am 40.

All sort of things are going on in my head, most of them very negative.

I am so scared, and at the same time so happy, that something positive is happening. But I am too scared to be too positive, in case it all goes pear-shaped again, and I end up losing again.

All we ever seem to do is lose at everything we try. See, negative again, but that's me. Rob is the positive one and I am the negative one.

It is all so confusing, but I should be used to that after 18 years of infertility.

I feel like my head will explode with all the emotions that are going on inside. Just want to get this started, so I feel things are starting to move on.

Have just heard, she is coming tomorrow. Wow! It's all happening now...

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