Ann and Rob are a couple from north Wales who have been trying for a family for 18 years. They have had various medical interventions including four cycles of IVF treatment, all to no avail.

So they have decided to try for adoption. Ann has decided to keep a diary about their journey through the adoption process and the emotional rollercoaster it takes them on. Adoption-net is carrying a weekly update on their progress.

Week 23 - Hanging on every word

In the last 2 weeks, quite alot has happened. Good and bad things.

First off, we have heard no more about the child our sw mentioned to us in the last diary entry. Things are happening behind the scenes our sw says, anymore she will not say.

I think it is to protect us, to not get our hopes up. She says that every newly approved couple tend to cling onto her every word, and that I can relate to!

Yes, we do just that. But then again, it is only human and normal to do that. So we have the feeling until there is anything definite to tell us, she will not let on anything.

She has also told us she will not tell us when she send our form F's off to other ss dept either, as to do that would be torture.

She has also told us that a few children have had their profiles sent to her, and she thinks they may be suitable for us, so she has responded apparently.

I don't know what responded means to be honest. I also don't know how many other approved adopters have also been told by other ss dept's, that they are also suitable.

So, although there is good news, sort of good news, there is also this huge.... No news really sort of feeling.

It is very hard to explain how we feel really. Yes we have news, but on the other hand, we don't. We cannot think ' ah, is this it?'...As there is no "it" to start with.

The day we have a picture of a child, will be the day I begin to think, "this could be it". I have had to train myself to be hard; as to get my hopes up too soon in the process would tear me apart if it all went wrong.

As yet, we have not had any form E's to read. The form E is the child's adoption form, it contains all information about them, and the history behind them.

This is the form that we will get to read once we have been linked to a child. It also details the child's family history. We have been told all names of birth parents will be deleted when we view the form e.

It is hard not to get our hopes up really, but as I have said, it is really best we don't at this early stage. Most people have let downs at first, so I am assuming this will be our first let down, but who knows, we may be pleasantly surprised.

The last few entries may seem like an anti climax now to some readers of this dairy, but it is simply a case of sitting tight and waiting for 'the call' to come. It is hard, very hard, to just sit and wait, and even harder to carry on as normal, but this is the way we decided to go, so we have no choice but to do just that. Wait.

It sometimes feels like I am pregnant, but have no idea when the baby is due, it could be in a few weeks time, or in a few months time. It is the not knowing when that is the worst for us.

Knowing it will happen, but not knowing when. One thing I have learnt, and am continuing to learn from all of this, is the art of patience!

E-mail Ann and Rob

See also:

Previous diary entries