Week 7 - The assessment begins

This was the first week of our home assessment. Although the social worker has visited us before, this was the 'first official' visit for the actual assessment.

Apparently we are quite lucky to have started the assessment so soon. We are in a smaller authority than most people so it seems we have not had to wait as long for our assessment to begin.

We did the usual 'social worker coming so let's clean', bit of course! We really didn't know what to expect to be honest. But as it turned out, all our worries were unfounded.

We started off discussing the different issues from the training and she asked for our comments on it.

And from then on we discussed everything - from how many children we wanted, the ages, what our expectations of adoption were, to contact issues.

She asked if we were prepared to adopt a child with disabilities such learning difficulties, a medical condition or with visual impairment, or deafness.

We said we were happy to adopt two children from 0 to seven. But we don't have to take two on at the same time, it just means if we get approved for two, we can have one child now, then perhaps in the future, go on to adopt another child if circumstances allow, without having to go through the assessment procedure again.

We had to look at whether we would be willing for a child to see their brothers or sisters?

We said we would and would also be willing, within reason, for them to see their birth parents.

If you take away everything from a child including its parents the child may feel they have done something wrong, that it is their fault they have had to 'go away'.

So we said we felt it was important to try to maintain some sort of contact between siblings and birth parents, if not direct, then indirect, through letters, photos, school reports and so on, via social services, so no one knows the whereabouts of the child.

Each time she comes we will discuss different things. She has already told us we will have to discuss the infertility at great lengths, so we are prepared for that. That will be discussed next time, she said.

We were also given the form F, the form that goes before the adoption panel for approval, and she explained we would now have to begin filling it in.

It was all really nice, not at all as I had imagined the assessment would be really. We already feel we can trust her and feel comfortable discussing our lives with her, which is good.

During the home assessment, we will have to go over every detail of our past and present lives, sharing very personal information, so it is important that there is a feeling of trust at this early stage.

She also told us that there is a chance, during the assessment, that she could be linking us up with a particular child, even before we are approved. In this situation, she said they would always tell us their intentions.

But, if they do that, I am not sure I could cope with it. What if she says there is such-and-such a child being linked to us which makes us all excited and over confident, and then we are not approved? That would devastate us.

To be honest, I would rather not know if there is a link before approval. I think it would put too much pressure on us to give the social worker the 'right' answers, instead of being honest, knowing that a placement rests with the answers we give her.

I got the feeling there are no set amounts of visits, as long as they are satisfied everything has been discussed, that we understand everything, and that they are happy with us, that is it, I think.

So it seems, after a lot of waiting and 'shall we are shan't we', we are really and truly on the way now.

I still have this feeling of doubt, yet at the same time I am excited!

I am trying not to be too positive, as I have talked about before, but it is so hard not to be at the moment. I have days when I feel everything will be OK, it will all work out, and other days when I feel what is the point in carrying on.

The negative days are getting less, I will admit, but I still have them. Rob thinks all will be OK, but that's him, he is always positive! I am the opposite I'm afraid. I tend to put up a brick wall then no one can hurt me, anymore.

That's not the case, I know, but it's my way of dealing with things. I am hoping as the assessment goes on, my negatives will become less and less and my positives will grow.

E-mail Ann and Rob

See also:

Week 6 - Waiting for the phone to ring
Week 5 - Preparation training
Week 4 - Thinking ahead
Week 3 - Parental responsibilities
Week 2 - We are on our way...and it feels so good
Week 1 - The social worker is coming
More about Ann and Rob