It is widely accepted that many of the children placed for adoption today have significant behavioural and emotional difficulties because of their traumatic experiences of abuse or neglect in their earlier years.

Some say the figure of the number of adopted children with 'special needs' is as high as 80 per cent and many parents struggle to know how to deal with an angry distrustful child who fights affection and seems set on following a self-destructive path.

Now two psychologists in Gloucestershire believe they have designed a unique service that is specifically tailored to the particular needs of families trying to parent a damaged child.

And Buckholdt Associates runs the 'emotional coaching' training programmes for adoptive parents. The educational consultancy is run by psychologists Elizabeth Morris and Tim Sparrow from their home in Frampton-on-Severn.

Elizabeth said the emotional coaching was not a 'standard parenting training course', but had been specifically designed to help adoptive parents coach their children to become emotionally literate.

"We have found that children who feel in control of their emotional states are calmer, more popular, do better academically and healthier than those who aren't.

"Adopted children are particularly vulnerable to their conflicting emotions and that puts every member of their adoptive family under stress as well."

The course was originally set up with Broome Mill Education Centre, a West Midlands charity which supports children with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.

According to their research, 80 per cent of adopted children become classified as having 'special educational needs' - a figure backed by Elizabeth from her own experience.

She believes it is because families and the educational system do not have the skills to cope with the particular needs of these children.

"This is far too large a figure," she said. "That's why we looked around to find a programme that could train them to help their children constructively."

Elizabeth believes adoptive parents often experience difficulties because they tend to be quite anxious that things go well, while older children have a lot of adapting to do to a new family.

Elizabeth says another common problem is that children left with birth parents for a while are often physically shaken, which can lead to behavioural and emotional problems - but the adoptive parents don't always know this.

Although there are other channels of support available to adoptive parents, Elizabeth believes the Buckholdt courses are probably unique in giving parents emotional support and the chance to learn practical approaches to helping their children.

But Elizabeth admits there are not always easy answers.

"There are cases where it is difficult to come up with a solution, say where a child has had three or four homes already and makes it incredibly difficult to establish trust. All we can do is support the parent with understanding."

Elizabeth hopes she will not deter would-be adoptive parents, but make them better prepared.

"There are fantastic relationships made with a lot of love and people could get that far easier if they did not have such unrealistic expectations in the first place."

She said all would-be adoptive parents should ask questions and seek support.

Buckholdt is about to start running courses for Bristol University and more courses with Broome Mill.

They can be contacted on 01452 741 106. The consultancy also has a website - www.buckholdtassociates.com.

Used courtesy of the Gloucester Citizen