The best Christmas present any child can have is love and Phyl Davies, 54, of Burton-on-Trent, has offered that in bags to 25 children who she has fostered over the last 30 years as well as bringing up her own family, child minding, offering respite care and running a mums and toddlers group.

Exactly a year ago, she came up with the best Christmas present ever for one child when she adopted James, then 11, a youngster with severe learning difficulties. She tells Jill Gallone why she has chosen to devote her life to children.

Phyl with with her adopted son James (left) and Robert, the special needs boy for whom she she provides respite care

When a child puts their arms round you, gives you a hug and kiss and calls you mum it's wonderful. When I first fostered James six years ago he called me mum straight away. It was about the only word he could say.

He has severe learning difficulties, epilepsy and behaviour problems. Communication can be difficult too as he can't talk very well. I didn't know what he wanted at first but now I know him inside out.

Despite the teething problems, he was my son immediately. Within three months the bond was there. I would have adopted him there and then when he was six but the process takes a long time.

Social Services want to ensure everything is right and you are absolutely certain. They also like to place children back with their natural parents whenever possible.

A year on I have no regrets. I love James and he loves me. December 23 is like a birthday, a day to be celebrated. It will help to make Christmas extra special every year.

When I talk about bonding with James, or any child, I can only compare it to the way you feel about your best friends. You meet lots of people in life and there are some you just click with and become extra close to.

It's the same with children. James is the second child I've adopted after fostering. I adopted Carl in the early 1980s and he'll be 30 next year. I also have a son and daughter, Sharon, 33, who lives with me and gives me enormous help with the children I look after, and Paul, 28.

They don't want any children, perhaps because the''ve been involved with helping to look after so many!

I've always loved children. I think it all started when my mother had twins when I was 13. I'd been an only child until then. I loved helping to bring them up.

I married and, in my early 20s, I had Sharon. I loved being a mum and wanted another baby but one didn't come along for a while so I started thinking about fostering. I rang social services and told them I was interested. They then got in touch with me and assessed me.

The first child I fostered, around 1970, was Richard who was three. He was slightly older than my daughter who was two at the time. Boys are so boisterous and full of life. Girls like to do things and will sit sticking things in a book or drawing.

A lot of experts say its nurture not nature and that children are all born the same and will develop in a certain way depending on the toys you give them and the way you bring them up.

They've obviously never had children of their own because that's a load of rubbish. When you look after children you see how different boys and girls are right from the start.

You watch a little girl pick up a doll and she will hold it by the hand. A little boy will pick up the same doll and drag it by the hair. It must be a relic from the caveman days. You can have all the training in the world, but when it comes to dealing with children it's experience that counts.

The-hardest thing about fostering is parting with the children. A lot of people say to me 'I don't know how you can bear to give them up' and this really upsets me because they must think I'm really hard and I'm not.

Carl was two when I started fostering him and it was six years before I adopted him. If I hadn't been able to do that and he had gone away it would have been like a bereavement.

You bond better with some children than others, but when you do bond very well with a child, the parting can be very painful. What makes it easier is when you know they're going to a good home with loving parents.

There was one little girl I had, Demi. She came to me when she was seven months old and I looked after her until she was 19 months old. That meant that I had her for over a year and we bonded very well. Though it was very hard to part with her, I met her adoptive parents and they were lovely.

I knew she would be well cared for and that made it easier. It still took me several months to get over it but you do, eventually.

Recently I fostered a six-month-old baby, Ryan, and I was happy for him to go. He was gorgeous but he wasn't a good sleeper and needed a lot of nursing. I have cared for lots of babies but he was particularly hard work and I have my son, James, 12, to look after, plus I offer respite care for Robert (nine), another boy with learning difficulties.

I care for him for five days out of each fortnight to give his parents a break,

Social Services are desperate for people to offer respite care. It's a service called Family Link and many parents are waiting for someone to offer them a short break.

They may have a child with cerebral palsy, learning difficulties or behaviour problems. A child with a disability takes up a lot of time and, sometimes, other children in the family tend to get little attention.

Looking after a child with a disability for, perhaps, one weekend a month can prove invaluable for parents. It might give them time to devote to other children or a hobby. I used to look after a little boy with spina bifida.

His mum used to love walking, which was impossible as her son was in a wheelchair. While I was looking after him she used to go off walking, which may seem only a little thing but it made a world of difference to her.

Some people might be afraid of looking after children with disabilities but they are just children at the end of the day. I have been offering respite care for 10 years and it developed from my child minding.

It was through Family Link that I was first asked to foster a little lad with special needs who was nearly five. He had behaviour problems but I said I'd give it a go. The social worker said they were desperate.

There are so many children out there who need a little love and stability. Many people imagine that all children are born, loved and cared for but that isn't the case. As most people know, some children are taken into care because they are neglected.

When I offer a place to a child I like to keep them for the whole of the placement. Some children are passed from pillar to post and I like to offer them stability.

I don't want anyone to think I'm a saint or a superwoman. I do what I do because I get a lot out of it. I love children and like to be around them. I'm lost without a baby to look after. I run a mums and toddlers group too and I love to see the mums chatting and children playing.

If you decide to foster or offer respite care you must do it for yourself. If you think you can do it just to be a good citizen it will never work. There's no profit in it either, though you get adequate expenses to look after each child .You have to do it for the love of it.

Another thing, I'm a single parent. I got divorced when I was 40 but being single has been no barrier to fostering or adopting. If you think you can offer a loving home to a child then do it.

I am planning to retire when I am 60 and if just one person decides to foster after reading this it will have been well worth it.

Story and picture used courtesy of the Derby Telegraph