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News@www.adoption-net.co.uk This story published August 18, 2000 Please contact us... by Austin Macauley Barely a day goes by for Barbara Baker without her thinking of the son she was forced to give up for adoption when she was barely more than a child herself. But no day is more painful than July 20. That is the date that marks the anniversary of the day - 39 years ago this year - that she gave birth to her son Nicholas. The one thing which makes the date more bearable is the fact that Barbara, pictured, now has a new ally in her quest to find her son - Nicholas's father. ![]() John Shillito was a student and musician when he first met Barbara, who was then aged 14, while playing in the Potteries jazz scene. A married man in his early 20s, he began a brief affair with her two years later before heading off for National Service in 1960. "Looking back, it was an infatuation with someone who at the time seemed to me to be living an exciting life as a musician," said Barbara, 57, an holistic healer now living in Penkhull, near Stoke-on-Trent. It was shortly afterwards that Barbara discovered she was pregnant - in an era when being an unmarried mother was simply not acceptable. Her family sent Barbara to a Church of England home in Shrewsbury to work and then have her baby - and then have the child taken away from her. "There was no choice involved for me or any of the girls there no matter what anyone says. I don't even remember signing the adoption papers." After years of anguish and frustration, Barbara thought she had made a breakthrough and was on the verge of making contact with her son last year. It was then that she contacted Nicholas's father for only the second time since their affair - the first being in 1963 to tell him he had a son. "I thought I was going to face my son and realised I didn't know that much about his father's present life - what if he asked me questions about his father?" Barbara's hopes of meeting her son did not materialise - but she found herself with new hope through help from John. John, 61, a behavioural therapist now based in Cornwall, wrote a letter to The Sentinel in Stoke for help to track down his son and pass on birthday wishes. He said: "After Barbara phoned me, I found out the difficulties this search for Nicholas has caused her. "She has been trying to establish if he is okay for years. It hadn't been a protracted relationship, and when I found out I had a son, it came as a complete surprise. I had no idea. "It became one of those things which I kept thinking about from time to time, imagining what it would be like if I met him. "But it wasn't until Barbara got in touch with me again last year that I realised how important the issue was to her and how much energy she had put into trying to find him. It's become the same for me." As a result, Barbara has felt a huge weight of responsibility lifted off her. "I didn't ask Nicholas's father to do anything. The letter he sent The Sentinel came as a complete surprise. "I feel 100 times better. It has been absolute hell. Around now has always been the worst time and usually I'm depressed. "But this year I feel more positive now that I have someone to help who is also." The one thing she has been able to establish is that Nicholas lives somewhere in Staffordshire. John added: "I decided to write to The Sentinel to mark Nicholas's birthday. "Just maybe someone out there will think, it's my 39th birthday today, I was adopted - that could be me."
This story and photograph first appeared in The Sentinel Stoke-on-Trent
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