'I still miss and love these kids'

Lynn Nickels, of Hele, Torquay, had wanted to foster for years. When her own children left home, she went to work in a children's home and ended up fostering one of the young people she cared for in home.

But, as she discovered, fostering is not always an easy path to follow and now she wants to set up a support network for foster carers who suffer feelings of loss when a placement breaks down.

Having not been brought up by my own parents, and being parted from my sister when about five years old, I only wanted one thing in life, my own family.

From the age of 16 I was out in the world on my own and applied and became a cadet nurse. I spent 18 months working on the children's wards in a hospital in the Midlands.

I married at 17 and had my first child at 18. The marriage failed and I was left to bring up myself and child alone once more.

I later married again and had two further children, plus two step-children. There were times when my husband was working when I had five children to look after. We were poor but it was probably one of the best times of my life.

Our children all grew up as sensible working people after many times when they made mistakes, some little, some large, but we all muddled through.

Over the years we became wealthy through sheer hard work, we were able to enjoy holidays with our children.

In 1992 we lost our business due to the recession and we were back to how we were when we first met, poor! But our family was rich in many ways money cannot buy!

Most of our children were now grown up and in time left, to go their own way in life in the knowledge we, as parents, were nearby. We all lived within a three-mile radius of each other.

I went to work again with children at a children's home and met Lee. Eventually, he asked to live with us so unbeknown to him, we applied to become foster carers. After many gruelling months we were accepted and Lee came home.

I had wanted to foster since I was 20 years old so I was thrilled. Lee was a difficult child with many problems and it was hard work, but time passed and he did so well.

After two years we applied for a second child, and Mark arrived.

It was bumpy ride. Mark, too, had many problems. Things had just begun to improve with Mark when Lee became very difficult, running away and making life very hard for the rest of the family.

There came a point when I asked for help but none was immediately forthcoming resulting in the breakdown of the placement for Lee. We had to ask that he leave.

I have never felt so desolate in my life. Although everyone said we had done a good job with him, I cried so much at his loss to us. He then caused problems which resulted in Mark going, too. I cried almost non-stop for two weeks. We had no support from anyone, except my doctor.

I know there are many ex-foster carers like us who have no support or help. I would like to set up a national support for us.

We have had children in our lives for 32 years, and have weathered many a storm, but this has been one of the hardest to bear.

The pain eases gradually but it is like being bereaved twice in a matter of a few months. No matter what I still miss and love these kids.

Do you have an experience you want to share? If so, please contact us.

Top

Back to news index

More of Your Stories